False Dawn
by Arigatou Sheitarou
Summary: -Post StrikerS, NanoFate- Something in her voice breaks and you feel something wet hit your cheeks. It takes you a while to realize that she’s crying. You are dazed and scared and oh so confused because you know that you're the one who's supposed to cry.


**False Dawn**

_She is a girl of seventeen and she has never been in love before. _

She has _liked_ and _lusted_. She has been _infatuated_.

But she has never been in love and that is why she is not ready for the emotional torment that follows.

_She is a girl of seventeen and she is in love with her best friend._

Her best friend is _wonderful_ and _kind_. _Beautiful_ and the epitome of _perfection_.

Her best friend is a girl and this is why she suffers so much.

_She is a girl of seventeen and she is in love with Fate Testarossa._

It is _scary_ and _uncertain_. She is not ready for the _heartbreak_ that she is sure will follow.

This is the reason why when _he_ asks her out, she accepts.

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She stares at you from across the room, and the silence that follows is deafening, as though you have been isolated and placed inside a glass dome.

Her mouth moves but you can't hear her.

You are still busy trying to understand her previous words, the ones that left you breathless.

"_I'm leaving."_

_Why?_, you wonder, and it is only when you focus on her mouth that you realize she is telling you.

"_I've been assigned elsewhere."_

It really shouldn't be that surprising. She is an enforcer and you are a combat instructor. You work in different fields. You have been expecting this; you have always been aware that the time would come when you would have to face this.

_It shouldn't hurt this much._

But it does and even though you feel like crying, you laugh and feel bitter, because you don't like pain, have never been tolerant with pain, and the only thing you can do is run away.

So you do.

You pretend.

And then you wonder when it was that Takamachi Nanoha first became an escape artist.

"_I'll see you later, Nanoha."_

She is leaving and you let her.

_Leaving._

And you _let her go_.

And she smiles at you, soft and pretty like she always does and she is happy and unaware that you are still seventeen, still in love with your best friend, still in love with _her_.

You are bitter and sad and every part of you wants to tie her up in order to prevent her from leaving, but then you remember _him_ and you find that it is so much better to have someone that loves you than having no one at all.

_It isn't supposed to hurt this much._

But it does and you smile.

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She returns two years later and even though you've kept in close contact, it still feels like a punch in the gut when she is standing in front of you, smiling your favorite crooked smile, still as beautiful as ever, and you realize that while she was gone, you were stuck in your false dawn, created by the illusion that you could possibly fall in love with _him _and have everything you've ever wanted.

Your feelings, which you had once thought gone, rammed into you with all the force of a five hundred pound truck moving a hundred miles an hour.

You are still _that girl_. The girl stuck in a state of _motionlessness_. The girl unable to move without _giving herself away_.

She smiles at you and you smile back.

You hate her for the first time.

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You have everything you've ever wanted.

He is everything you could wish for. He cares for you. He laughs at your jokes. He is nice and sweet and _everything anyone could ever want_.

Your little girl is happy with him. He loves her and she loves him. Their bond grows stronger by the day. _You would never take that away from her._

You are twenty two and are already one of the most respected people in the TSAB. Your power and knowledge grows with every time you go into battle. Two of your old recruits are getting married. The 

remaining two are already dating. _You are melancholic and envious, and you wish you could turn back time._

You are _content _with the life you lead because you have everything you have ever wanted.

But not what you _need_.

And whenever she smiles at you, you are reminded that she is oblivious, has always been oblivious, and shall forever remain oblivious to your heartache.

This is why you begin to avoid her.

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"Nanoha!"

You run faster, trying to ignore the wrench in your heart every time she says your name.

"Nanoha!"

You don't know why you did it.

You don't know why you did it.

You don't know why you did it but you did and now you must face the consequences. But that doesn't mean you can't make her work for it.

"For God's sake, Nanoha!"

Something warm and soft collides with your back and you are both sent tumbling down to the floor. You try to crawl up and away from her but you can't because her hand is curled around your ankle and you shiver because it feels nice and it's all you've ever wanted.

You're dragged down to the floor where she crawls on top of you in order to restrain you and you don't care because this is all you've dreamed about since you were seventeen. She is straddling you and her hands are on either side of your face and you can't help but wonder why it is that she looks flushed and near tears when you're the one who should be breaking down any moment now.

"You're a grown woman, Nanoha! You can't just run away when-!" She cuts herself off and starts all over again, "What you said in there…!"

Something in her voice breaks and you feel something wet hit your cheeks. It takes you a while to realize that she's crying. You are dazed and scared and oh so confused, and you're worried so you place a hand on her cheek because it hurts you when she's crying and it's stupid, _so stupid_, because you know that she's the one who's going to break your heart any second now.

"Fate…"

And you're surprised when your head jerks to the side from the force of her slap and it hurts, but less than it would have if she had told you straight out that she hates you, like you know she does, because there's no way you could possibly stay friends after what you had just said.

"_I love you!"_

"I hate you…"

And it hurts. It hurts so much. But you smile and stare past her shoulder at the sky, ignoring the wisps of blonde hair that lightly trace your face, and you smile because it hurts so much and you are running away again.

You are so sick of pretending but it's all you can do in order not to break down.

"I hate you so much, Nanoha…"

You let the hand that is still touching her face fall to the floor. You aren't sure what your face looks like but when she looks at you, crying, her face distorts into an expression you have never seen before. It is a mix between anger and pain. It is the face of someone who has been betrayed.

"How could you do this to me?" She asks, and in the beginning, her voice is only a whisper.

You close your eyes and pretend that you are seventeen, not in love, not in love with your best friend, not in love with Fate Testarossa.

"_How could you do this to me?!"_

And she is hitting you then, hitting your chest with every ounce of vigor she has left, and in the beginning it hurts. In the beginning it feels as though a knife is piercing your skin over and over again, and you both know that tomorrow you will have bruises.

But then it stops hurting. It stops hurting because she has no more strength left in her. It stops hurting because she is sobbing in earnest now, and nothing could hurt you more than watching her break down like this.

"How could you do this to me_ now_…?"

You gently stop her hands as they descend upon you again and slowly sit up. You are close to her now, so close that you can feel her every breath against your face and it hurts you.

"I love you."

It is painful to hear. Even more so than having to hear that she hates you.

"I love you, Nanoha."

And you cover your eyes with her hands and sob because that is all you've ever wanted to hear.

_**A/N: **Yes, so, my beta's been away. I blame her for not updating my other stories. (Since the chapters are already finished and waiting to be read.) But don't worry, Hoppy-chan. It's your vacation too, and I basically stated that I would wait until you returned. D _

_Anyway...I swear I tried my hardest to make this have a happy ending. I tried my hardest not to make it too angsty. But I failed miserably. But...it kind of does have a happy ending. It just ends in an angsty, dramatic way. Erm...I hope it wasn't too bad. This...thing...just...well, something possessed me. I needed to write it. _

_Ahem. But seriously. I order you to read my best friend's fic when she posts it! Her pen name is Sinfonia Rossa, and her fic is titled Caligo. I'm pretty sure she'll be posting it soon (as soon as Hoppy-chan finishes beta-ing it) and I swear (I am not being biased when I say this), it's got a brilliant and well thought out plot and her characters are very well developed and it's NanoFate and she's actually really awesome at writing even though she says she's not and...and..._

_Erm...please read it. And review it. It's very good, and it's NanoFate. XD _

_So...yeah. Shout out to all of you who read it. Enraptured, Hitokun, and BPHaru. You're awesome. _


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